Monday, June 6, 2016

When You're Going Out Dancing, But You're a 35 Year Old Mom

My baby sister Larisa turned 35 last week, how she is officially closer to being a 40-something than being a 30-something is beyond me. It feels like just yesterday we were hoping we wouldn't get ID'd so we could get into the club and dance- ah the good 'ol days!

Present day with the addition of five children between the two of us and 15 years, it's been a hot minute since we've been out dancing like our historically dancing-queen selves. But it was my baby sister's 35th birthday so we sent the Facebook invite to all the moms we thought might be able to muster an after 9PM go at the club.

Once our 'squad' materialized we sat sipping our martini's, laughing about how tired and lame we were, and how long it had been since we had been "out". I started regaling the ladies with the sad, but funny story that was my pre-gaming experience when you're going out dancing, but you're a 35 year old mom.

1. Make plans weeks in advance, confirm child care and get excited - because it's a kid-free Moms Gone Dancing Night Out On The Town! Wooohooo! Send group text messages about how long it's been since you've all been out - include dancing woman and excited-face-sticking-out-tongue emojis.
2. The day of Moms Gone Dancing receive text messages from other mom asking, "9:30pm? Isn't that kind of late to go out - maybe we should meet at 8?.." Reflect back on how in your twenties you ate dinner at 9, started pre-gaming at 10 and didn't dare show up to a club until at least 11pm, because you know - all the lame people were there before then. Allow the realization to sink in that you are now said lame people...sadly I already knew that.. Text other mom back "Stop at Starbucks and rally my friend, we're going to hit double digit PM tonight and maybe even end up back in the single digits of the AM."

3. Stay braless and in your yoga pants until the VERY last minute you have to squish yourself back into your lovely-lady-lumps cage and begin the process of bringing your hot mess self to presentation status.

4. Approach your closet - scan for your most trendy option that also most closely resembles yoga pants. Settle on a dress, assess yourself in said dress. Rummage for your Spanx and proceed to stuff yourself into them, because mama needs to reign it in a bit. I remember my Spanx in my twenties... it was called my skin...

5. Onward! Time for shoes - hello *uck me pumps - oh I've missed you, it's been far, far too long. Caress them, they're so sexy, so hip - still actually on trend. Put them down, dejectedly, because your feet are a size larger now that you've had three babies. Those pumps are a dirty little minx you can no longer rock, unless you want a foot cramp or a broken ankle. Select flats and shove your orthotics inside them - play on playa!

6. Do hair - and onto make up - in my car. In my twenties I had the most beautiful vanity where I would spend all this luxurious time perfecting my 'smoky eye'.  Now 99% of my makeup (when it's done) is applied in the driver's seat in my driveway, or in a parking lot after my kids have fallen asleep. You've got to agree, it is good lighting and you can get really close to see all the new wrinkles 35 years and three kids have added to your forehead.

7. Time to head out. Pulling out of the driveway I realize how dark it is. I'm usually in PJ's the moment the kids go to bed and snuggled with my husband on the couch binging on Netflix- I'm NOT USED TO BEING OUT PAST SUNSET. I'm So. Damn. Lame. Search for my night time driving glasses for my old ass eyes and continue on my way.

8. I'm picking up the birthday girl, and she's already texted me about how tired she is. So I'm thinking I need to create a party ambiance with some awesome music for when I roll up in my carseat-heavy minivan. Awesome music, awesome music.. what is popular right now? Blurred Lines? No, that was last summer, or was that the summer before? Ugh it's all becoming one long year only broken up by end of the year soccer tournaments and spirit days that you remember 5 minutes before the kids need to get on the bus. What ever even happened to Robin Thicke? For the love of all that is holy, I have no idea what current hip music is. I'm going with my comfortable standard - add Nelly station to Pandora. It's getting hot in here!
9. I'll tell you friends - it was a slow boil at first, but we rallied and conjured our twenty-something-selves and stayed out dancing until 2am. We even ended stopping at Wal-mart to get contact solution but came out with a fishing pole, cookies, a beach ball and a He-Man tank top that said "Sup Ladies". Longer story.... Happy Birthday baby sister!


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