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Several years ago, I realized I wasn't okay. I was experiencing anxious thoughts and having nightmares, and old wounds I thought I'd buried were showing up in unexpected places.
I made a commitment to myself to make things better. And silly me, I assumed that learning to meditate would do the trick just fine.
Meditation certainly helped, but it wasn't the cure-all I thought it would be. So I went on a journey of self-discovery and realized that I didn't like myself very much, especially my body. When I acknowledged her at all, it was to berate her for her wrongness. She was the wrong size and shape and weight and ability and look . . . and the list went on and on.
I was horrified when I became aware of just how cruel I was to my body. I have two daughters (ages twelve and ten), and I would be heartbroken if they shamed their bodies the way I was shaming mine. But that’s what I was teaching them without even meaning to.
I wanted to change my relationship with my body, and I needed something practical to do.
Over the course of months, I wrote hundreds of love notes to my body parts from my crow's feet to my pinky toe. Sometimes my notes were full of love and gratitude. And sometimes they were full of pain and grief. Anger, even. But they were always a real conversation with my body.
The transformation was liberating. Body parts I'd thought I hated, I now cherished. I appreciated my body in a way I'd never experienced. And while I still struggled to love some of my parts, I was finally able to accept all of them.
One of the best parts of my transformation is the extra energy I now have to experience joy and be creative, energy that used to be spent on trying to make myself fit into society’s definition of “good enough.”'
I’ve realized that decades of conditioning around what makes an “ideal” body is going to take time to unlearn. This process to appreciate my body exactly as she is will be a lifelong journey because she will continue to change as I age and experience life.
I love the simplicity of writing love notes to my body, though, because it’s a practice I can revisit whenever and wherever I need to. And it’s a tool that my daughters now have to combat messages that tell them they are anything other than perfect, just as they are. I can’t silence the mean little voices in their minds, but I can teach them how to silence it themselves.
Nicole has written three body-positive companion books (SPARK Publications, February 2020) about her journey to accept and love her body: Love Notes to My Body; Love Letters to My Body: Writing My Way to (Self-)Love; Writing Your Way to (Self-)Love: A Guided Journal to Help You Love Your Body, One Part at a Time. She is available for speaking engagements also.
Nicole lives in South Carolina with her brilliant and brave daughters, her best friend and husband, a goofy dog, a long-suffering tortoise, and the occasional fish.
Contact Nicole at www.nicolecayers.com and connect with her on Instagram at @nicolecayers.
Launch Party Details
Love Notes Joyous Jubilee
Friday, February 21, 2020
1040 Angelica Lane,
Tega Cay, SC, 29708
7 p.m. - 9 p.m.
What: Join Nicole C. Ayers to celebrate the launch of her three body-positive companion books:
Love Notes to My Body (https://py.pl/42Ery0236tG)
Love Letters to My Body: Writing My Way to (Self-)Love (https://py.pl/aK1Ys)
Writing My Way to (Self-)Love: A Guided Journal to Help You Love Your Body, One Part at a Time (https://py.pl/PUYiA)
Love Notes bundle (https://py.pl/1cyhEc)
Visit nicolecayers.com/writing to learn more about the books. Click on the titles to preorder and pick up at the party.
All are welcome. So grab someone you love and bring them with you.
Enter the giveaways for fantastic prizes, including an original painting and a lunch with author Nicole C. Ayers and illustrator Mica Gadhia. Enjoy desserts and libations. Take selfies at the selfie station. Crawl the art gallery. Write your own love note. Erupt into spontaneous dance. Buy a book bundle. Leave with a special thank-you gift.
Books will be available for purchase separately and in bundles, and Nicole will happily sign them. Original artwork by the talented Mica Gadhia, Love Notes to My Body illustrator, will also be available for purchase.
Feeling philanthropic and want to share this work with women in need? There will be a silent auction as well as opportunities for sponsorships to bring these messages of self-acceptance and love to all women.
Can't make the party but want to connect with Nicole? Follow her on Instagram at @nicolecayers and sign up for her Love Notes newsletter at nicolecayers.com to access “Nicole’s Love Grooves” playlist.
